Preface, part two

I have long neglected this work for a few months for what I am going to call research. To be honest, only about 30 % of what I have been doing was research, and 70 % percent of it has been everyday complacency. I began this work with the hope of shaking up Christians into observing their Christian experience in a different light and then convincing them to walk down a path that has never, ever, been tread upon before, a path of their own. I have discovered that such a task is not only difficult, also it is most uncertain. I no longer seek to begin by instilling doubt into the minds of Christians walking down a familiar, long used path with the images of past saints who paved and tread the ground they walk. But to begin with a disclaimer; To step off this path means to loose all that is familiar to you, all that you thought, or were told, at one time or another, was true, and to walk as if you were ignorant to any other path. It would be much better in fact to never know of the former path you walked, the one that was paved nicely, had steady, organized traffic, and was easy on your feet, relatively speaking. Once you step off that path, you walk a windy dirt read, filled with painful uncertainty. You are never welcomed back unless you forsake all that you have discovered in a fit of self-denial. There is no way to walk them both at the same time, and truly be satisfied. No way to enjoy the comforts of believing what you have been told, and also disavowing aspects of this God that have been long since over looked. It is a lonely road, and frustrating road, a painful, unbearable state of realization. But, there is satisfaction, there is hope for satisfaction in that admitting all that bothered you about this belief structure, in the absence that reality, truth can be found. There can be a relating to God that has only been seen in the lives of those who chose to stop off the paved path before them, walk a winding dirt road before them and have paved the roads we choose to walk down today. I choose to no longer walk down such roads. This is an account of what I have discovered, am discovering, and hope to discover.